egberts:

of all the dumb stuff i did when i was younger at least i can proudly say i was never a fan of annoying orange

I’m not saying we should have sex but we should

i hate how people just expect that you’re going to finish school and get an office job and meet someone and settle down and have children and a dog and drive a mazda because i don’t want any of those things especially a mazda

epic-humor:

outrageou-s:

dreamingfabio:

radiobread2:

my mom was like “nicole clean your room” so im like “ugh im going to kill myself” and she like stared at me and shes like “honey its okay you dont have to clean right now” and she came upstairs with tea and two cookies and kissed me on the cheek

i said that but my mom said “make sure you clean your room first”

There are two kinds of people in this world

X

assbutt-of-asgard:

imagine if you could telepathically make people orgasm you could make their lives really awkward

thecompanionsdoctor:

My week is basically:

• Monday
• Monday #2
• Monday #3
• Monday #4
• Friday
• Saturday
• Pre-Monday